Dip-wad!

Well, I did get email back from the homeschool group leader. Apparently, I'm a deadbeat and a scofflaw. I benefit from the group but never pay any dues. Umm. Yeah. I'm such a burden. I never go to co-op, meetings, political rallies, field trips. I just want in on the social network. I need human support while trying to homeschool autistic children. I hope they never see me hungry, thirsty, a stranger, in need of clothes, sick, or in prison. Because, despite their piety, I doubt they'd ever lift a finger. (Matthew 25:34 - 40, baby! Look it up, girls.)

In other news... Hmm. Spite, frustration, fury. And I really like Daedalus. Smart man, that one. Nothing like King Minos, whom The Boy and I agree is a total dip-wad.

King Minos inherited a centuries-long dynastic throne in Crete, back in its heyday. Its original king had asked Zeus to protect them from pirates, and Zeus had sent them a bronze giant to do just that. This King Minos didn't feel like being respectful to Zeus, so Zeus decided to take the bronze giant back. Zeus had Medea (another stinker, and an evil witch, too) trick the bronze giant into draining its own life force out, and King Minos was on his own, with no protection.

With the bronze giant dead and the island defenceless, Minos's brothers tried to take the throne, but Minos prayed to Poseidon who sent a huge white bull. When the bull bowed down to Minos, he took it as a sign that he was meant to be king. His brothers left the island, but then Poseidon asked Minos to sacrifice the bull to him. (Oops. Did I mention that Minos was a dip-wad?) He refused and the bull went crazy, rampaging the countryside, trashing the palace, and raping Minos's own queen. The queen gave birth to a half-man-half-bull child and then abandoned it, fleeing with her nightmares to another country.

This left Minos with a mutant bull-child (Minotaur) rampaging the palace and a murderous white bull rampaging the countryside. Better sacrifice the white bull soon, eh? Minos hired Hercules to take care of the white bull and hired Daedalus to contain the Minotaur.

Minos's son, who had apparently not fallen too far from the tree and apparently on his head, wanted to go capture the bull and become a Hero himself, with all the glory that goes with it. But since Minos already knew that Hercules had captured it, he said, "Yes, if Hercules doesn't take it down, you're up next, boy."

Meanwhile, Minos knew he could not kill the Minotaur or banish it from the palace because it was of royal blood. (Heh?) So, Daedailus built a labyrinth under the castle (along with a few secret passageways for himself) from which the Minotaur could not escape. Nice. Kudos to Daedalus.

Meanwhile, Hercules, who was supposed to deliver the bull to king Minos to be sacrificed (at last) to Poseidon, actually took the bull to Athens to pay a personal debt. It escaped and started (you guessed it) rampaging the Greek countryside. Now Minos's son wanted his shot at capturing it. He ran off to Greece, won the Olympics, got himself killed, and moseyed along to the Elysian Fields where all brave warriors go.

Minos was furious and blamed (who else) the Greeks for his son's death. He ramped up his war machine, sailed to Athens, and demanded 14 virgins every nine years to be fed to the Minotaur. The Greeks agreed.

Meanwhile, the Greek king Aegis was being wooed by none other than Medea, the witch. She was all poised to marry him and probably bump him off, when the Aegis's bastard son showed up, all battle-tested and gorgeous. Medea tried to kill him, but Aegis broke from her evil spell, and she bolted away with his treasure on (get this!) a chariot drawn by four dragons.

The bastard son, Theseus, cleaned up the kingdom and then took on that whole every-nine-years-human-sacrifice thing. He travelled to Crete, faced down Minos, sweetened up to Minos's daughter Ariadne, and was sent off to prison with the other Greek sacrifices-to-be. Ariadne cut a deal with him to help him kill the Minotaur if he'd take her with him when he left. Deal done. They even sabotaged Minos's ships ast hey left.

Minos was furious and hunted down (who else?) Daedalus. 'Cause he had to have given someone the secret to the labyrinth. (Didn't Minos actually want the Minotaur dead?) Daedalus took refuge in a series of countries, creating fabulous temples and inventions wherever he went. Finally, Minos tracked him down on Sicily, where Daedlus had harnessed the lava in Mt. Etna to make public steam baths. Minos ripped the palace apart looking for Daedalus, but found only a spiral staircase leading down from the steam baths. A "beggar" told him not to go down there, and thinking that Daedalus would only make the most elaborate hiding place, Minos went on down, smashed the black glass face of the volcano god, and was drowned in boiling water. The "beggar" of course was Daedalus, who finally got to live out his old age in safety.

Phew. I finally understand why the Greek myths never went out of style. They make me feel like somehow Karma will out. Yeah, baby!