Discipline (or lack thereof)

I'm torn between two opposing forces.

On one hand are all the behaviorists. They tell me that if I ignore the bad behavior and encourage the good, the bad will stop. I should ignore The Girl screaming and whining all the way through her math lesson today, and she'll get on with it. She'll eventually realize that whining doesn't get her what she wants, and she'll just quit.

On the other hand is my common sense. She's whining because she's unhappy, and whining makes her feel better. Sheez, there are times when I want to scream, and if everyone would ignore it, I'd do it more often.

What's with that?

I mean, I guess the real question is, "What does she really want?" She wants her brain to stop hurting. I've disrupted her happy little routine (by erasing a tiny math sum that I had written in the margin), and her brain hurts. How, then, do I keep her from screaming every time she's thwarted?

God, I wish I knew...