To sleep, perchance to dream (about flunking high school!)

Last night I was doing the major-stressing-out thing while trying to get to sleep. This can only mean that I'll be waking up with the failing-high-school dream. AGAIN. (Monday night, I actually dreamed that I was registering The Boy for high school, but somehow they thought I was going as well. I missed the first day of classes, and they gave me a suspension. I wasn't even trying to attend!! And why can't I at least flunk out of college? HUH?!)

What to do? Okay, I'll just think of something I can't worry about. Ready?

Falling leaves. Mmm. Just falling anywhere they... Damn, that stupid dead maple tree is still in the ground next to the... Damn, I still haven't submitted the landscape request to the Homeowners' Association. Oh wait.

Butterflies. Mmm. Flitting around... I wonder if the pesticides that the lawn guys put on the house are killing all the butterflies. We sure haven't seen many this... Oh wait.

Chocolate. Mmm. Of course, chocolate is fattening. I wonder if I'm still under 195 pounds. That weight I lost last year is coming back fast. Oh damn, I wonder if it'll cause my pancreas to... I was supposed to make The Boy a lesson on diabetes/insulin so he'll stop eating pop tarts. But I already looked and found nothing good... Oh wait.

Dingos. "The dingos ate my baby!" That won't work.

Kittens. How cute. Yet, how many are euthanized every... Damn, the cat was shaking its head again today, and probably needs to go to the vet. I wonder how long until its next appointment anyway. How am I supposed to know... Damn. And I can't put those drops in her ears. The vet'll just have to figure something else out. I wonder if I flossed enough to fool the dentist tomorrow?

Solar energy. I wonder if the solar hot water heater is hail resistant. Or covered by insurance. Was I supposed to tell the insurance company? Remember that time they left a nail hole and the water leaked... I really should get those light tubes put in the living room. And get a new couch. I wonder how much is in the "emergency fund" or if there'll be any of The Husband's summer school pay left over after the dust settles. When do the CD's mature, so I can get another on the same schedule? Was it September first? And the frickin life insurance comes due then, too. I need to call TIAA-CREF and get life insurance through them. But I should lose 25 pounds before I do that -- no need to show up overweight. When was the last time I checked with Merrill-Lynch on the contents of my Roth IRA? The stock market. Oy vey. And The Boy wants to go Up North again for Christmas, but it's so expensive to get all those clothes just for one visit, even if we only to to NC. We're supposed to go Up North in the summer because everyone'll be on vacation. But we'll have to find a place to stay. I wonder what that'll cost. But not the same place as last time because the floors were like ice. And why can't The Husband teach Summer A next year so we can go on vacation in August instead of May? It's too frickin' cold up there in May. God forbid we just sit around again like this year. Of course, we did have a vacation in May this year to his family reunion. Damn, I was supposed to send the picture of the four of us to his sibs. I could just post it on facebook, but then I'll be targeted by white slave dealers. Isn't that situation in the horn of Africa horrible? But the kids are so beautiful! They really are. When was the last time The Girl ate anything that wasn't a fruit or fat-based? I mean, really, she can't live on bacon fat and blueberries. Can she?

This just isn't where I need to be. Is there anything I can think about that I cannot possibly worry about?

Sunshine. I wonder how I get an appointment to see the dermatologist about this itch on my arm. I've been keeping cream on it forever and telling the GP that I'm going to the dermatologist, but I don't. I wonder what it is. He'll just say it's stress-related and use the cream, right? But unless I do, I'll have to tell the GP that I'm a loser again. Besides, if I go I can get checked for skin cancer, because I got so many bad burns as a kid. I mean who knew...

Moonlight? Lesson plan not done. And why, why can't I visualize the moon phases. I know that if it rises in the evening, it's full, but that's about all. I never could understand orbital mechanics. Why is that?

Is there anything in the universe that's not all about me?

Religion? When is the church going to teach catechism classes for kids? No one else is home-tutoring theirs, so we're raising a generation of liturgically illiterate kids? I could get some kind of book or something. Maybe from the Lutherans, but I'm not sure if I can teach it convincingly. Noah and all that?

The rotation of the Earth? We're rotating around toward the sun again, and I have got to get some sleep!

Maybe I should take up yoga. The Consumer Reports claims that it cures absolutely everything -- because according to that Nature episode on stress, I'm a goner. I think our Wii does yoga, but I think getting the heck away from the kids for a while would be nice. I wonder if my parents are getting me a spa morning and lunch with my husband for my birthday again this year. That was nice.

Hey, I had to wear capris today, and they felt weird on my knees. That's a sure sign that summer's gone on too long. But at least tropical storm Emily is falling apart. For now. There's a sixty percent chance it'll re-form. But The Husband doesn't think so. I really should empty out the garage so we can get the cars in for the next hurricane. I wonder if I still have all the wing nuts for the hurricane shutters. Yeah, I think they're in the candy cabinet, next to the cookie cutters. You know that my metal cookie cutters are rusting? Yeah, I have 200 cookie cutters that I NEVER use, but I'm unhappy that they're rusting. I need to declutter. Hey, my new bookcase came out pretty well, considering that the lumber I used is warped and the joints don't meet perfectly. I mean seriously, I'm going to fill it with books anyway. In about three more weeks when the paint cures. I need to find something to put on the back of the bookcase because it's butt-ugly and faces the foyer. Maybe a kind of cloth or something? Damn, I need to buy some mesh to make more laundry bags because ours are getting ratty. I wonder who sells it. I really should hang The Girl's swing in her room. I think between glow sticks and a wander through the roof joists I could do it. In this heat? Sheesh.

I wonder if global warming (excuse me, climate change) is real. Seriously, my crazy brother keeps sending me links to that quackery web site. He still doesn't have his little girl in physical therapy. I wonder what he does all day if he doesn't do anything I would consider to be a house-husband's job. I need to clean my bedroom. I wonder where the beach towels and swim suits belong, other than the end of my dresser. I mean, it works pretty well there, but the view of it from the next room isn't very tidy. Man, I'd love to get a new closet built right there with some extra storage above it. I think it would cost about $500, but so would the paving stones next to the driveway. Why don't I have any hippie friends who want to help me do this kind of home improvement? Why don't I have friends? Damn, I wonder how Patrick's buddy Austin is doing. I should email his mom and make a playdate. My poor child. I mean, everyone says that homeschoolers have more friends than public schoolers because you really only make friends out of school anyway, but the kids down the street from us would eat my son alive. How on Earth am I going to get him to stay on a regular schedule and do school work this year? I always have to be the adult, and he always plays at being the French resistance. Like it's our job or something.

At least the... snxxx. (Then I wake up six hours later in a cold sweat because I can't remember my locker combination. My middle school locker combination.)