There are certain suburban myths that I must believe in order to make sense of my chaotic environment and the destructive forces at work therein. I respectfully submit...
I BELIEVE.
I believe that children gain all their excess energy by sucking it directly from their parents.
I believe that every time I lose weight, someone else gains it. And vice versa.
I believe that if I wear capris, no one can see my hairy legs.
I believe that if a child -- someone else's -- is too intelligent, beautiful, creative, and talented, she will certainly grow up to be a pole dancer.
I believe that this show was invented by someone on crack cocaine as an experiment to see how much a human parent can endure. (That's why it's on PBS at 5:30 when I'm making dinner.)
I believe that cantaloupe is an honorary vegetable.
I believe that time warps when I'm asleep.
What do you believe?
3 comments:
I believe that Walmart is actually a time warp. You can walk in for what you believe is 15 minutes and discover it's actually been two hours. Retirees love it because it causes them to live four times as long!
I am right with you on #'s 1,2 & 3!
I believe children are akin to vampires.
I believe mind over matter can matter.
I believe women are not necessarily happier once married and with children.
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